Helpers

There are some things I had no idea about until we moved here, which is why I think it's such an eye-opening experience to move to another country! For example, I wouldn't have known that in Hong Kong, it is extremely common to employ "Domestic Helpers", otherwise known as hired help, maids, nannies, servant... SLAVE???

The helpers are mainly from the Philippines, but some are from Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Nepal and other poorer countries. When I was considering working here, this was suggested as the easiest way to have childcare for Leila. I just couldn't wrap my head around having a complete stranger move into a 700 square-foot apartment with us, and then leave Leila with her five days a week. It is actually very cheap (like $500/month?) and they will do your cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Still, it's a bit of a process to even hire one. From one we know, you need to interview and do background checks, and then there's a lot of paperwork and visas that need to happen... too complicated for us!

So it's been fascinating to actually see this in action. We know other teachers who do have helpers and it's such a mixed range of experiences with them. Some are good, some are bad, we know one family whose previous helper is trying to screw them over by making false claims in hopes of squeezing more money out of them, and they're feeling hurt and upset that she's doing this. Especially when they feel that they always treated her really well. We've also heard stories that helpers prefer to have "western" families because some Chinese families do not treat them very well. You're supposed to give them their own room, but some are made to sleep on the floor of the room of the children, and get up with them in the night, and basically work 24/7!

I went to a new friend's apartment this week and it was interesting to see her helper make supper and bring us a snack and drink. It's so normal, but so foreign for me! She grew up being raised by helpers and said that she recently reunited with the one that helped raise her... who is now in her sixties!

When I take the girls to the playroom during the day, it is not uncommon for me to be the only Mom and the rest are all Filipino (but definitely there are some Chinese stay-at-home moms with their children. And also grandmas). Same with when I pick Annika up from kindergarten. There are some Chinese mothers there, but the majority are Filipino helpers. Many of these helpers have their own families and children back home and come to HK to work and try to send every penny back home. You can see that in some cases, they are the ones raising the children they're taking care of!

I've started to get to know a few of the helpers in our building and there is one in particular that is friendly to me. She takes care of a little girl named Katelyn. Katelyn is three and speaks perfect English. She has the cutest little face and wears pink glasses, and I just always want to bring her home with me... she's so adorable! Tonight I was visiting with her helper and I was asking a bit about Katelyn- if she has siblings, etc. This helper said that Katelyn's parents divorced when she was only one, and she only sees her mom once a week. She lives with her dad and the helper. They only speak English to her, so her Cantonese was actually suffering! I met Katelyn's grandfather, and he said the same thing to me- that he was worried about her Cantonese. I asked the helper if she thought divorce was common in Hong Kong (this was the first I'd encountered so far), and she said that she thought it was common. But not in the Philippines if you're a Christian, you aren't allowed to get divorced. And she is a Christian. Then this helper shared with me that she is married she herself has a nine year old who is being raised in the Philippines by her husband. She will get to see them for two weeks when she goes home at Christmas. Otherwise, she only sees him once a year. She was only 20 when she had her son, so she's just a bit younger than me.

Last week, when I was feeling emotional that these last five years have gone by so fast and now Annika's in kindergarten, the thought occurred to me that I should just be so thankful that I even got to spend five years with her. I know there are lots of working moms who wish they could be home with their kids but need to work and I should be glad I've had the time with Annie that I've had.

But then today, my friend Karla was over, and she was saying basically the same thing... only that she had been thinking about Filipino mothers and how heartbreaking it must be to be caring for children that aren't their own while they have to be separated from their own kids. A whole other reason to count my blessings! Tonight was the first time I actually heard that story with my own ears... I'm sure I'll hear more. It just doesn't seem fair!